[Body]
Well, let me tell ya ’bout this fella, Von Wagner. I heard some folks talkin’ down at the market, sayin’ he got the boot from that wrestlin’ place, the WWE. Budget cuts, they said. Sounds like when Farmer McGregor had to sell Bessie ’cause the corn wasn’t sellin’ good.
Now, this Von Wagner fella, his real name is somethin’ fancy, Calvin Bloom, I think. Sounds like a flower, don’t it? But he ain’t no pansy, that’s for sure. He’s a big, strong fella, like my Jedediah used to be ‘fore he got that bad hip. They say he’s a second-generation wrestler, which means his daddy did it too. His daddy was Beau Beverly, or Wayne Bloom, somethin’ like that. Wrestled back in the day, they said.
- Name: Calvin Bloom, goes by Von Wagner in the ring.
- Born: June 30, 1994. Young fella, still got a lot of fightin’ left in him, I reckon.
- Job: Wrestler, you know, those fellas in tights that jump around and pretend to beat each other up. My grandpappy used to say it was all a show, but it sure looks real sometimes.
- Family: Son of Wayne Bloom, that Beau Beverly fella. Guess wrestlin’ runs in the family, like how all the Johnsons got big ears.
He played football too, they said, in college. Big fella like him, probably good at knockin’ folks down. But wrestlin’ was his thing, I guess. He wrestled in the WWE, that’s the big leagues, like the Yankees in baseball, or so I hear. I ain’t never been much for sports myself, too busy milkin’ cows and tendin’ to the chickens.
I saw him on TV once, this Von Wagner. Big fella, like I said. Had some kinda angry look on his face all the time. Reminded me of old man Withers when his prize pig got loose and ate all his prize-winning tomatoes. He sure did stomp around and throw them fellas around like ragdolls. Professional wrestler, they call it. I call it a good way to get a headache.
Now, they say he got released, let go, fired. Whatever you wanna call it, he ain’t wrestlin’ for the WWE no more. Budget cuts, like I said. Happens all the time. One minute you’re on top of the world, next minute you’re back to shovelin’ manure, or whatever it is wrestlers do when they ain’t wrestlin’. Maybe he’ll go wrestle somewhere else, or maybe he’ll find somethin’ new to do. He’s a young fella, plenty of time to figure things out.
Heard he’s from Minnesota, that Osseo place. Cold up there, I hear. Colder than a well-digger’s backside in January. Maybe he’ll come down south where it’s warmer. We got plenty of room here in the country, though I don’t know what he’d do with all them muscles ’round here. Maybe he could help Jedediah with the plowin’. Lord knows that old mule ain’t gettin’ any younger, and Jedediah’s back ain’t what it used to be.
So that’s the story of Von Wagner, as far as I know it. A big fella who wrestled, got let go, and now, who knows what he’ll do. Life’s funny that way, ain’t it? One minute you’re slinging folks around in a ring, the next you’re figurin’ out what’s next. Reminds me of that time the silo fell down during the storm… but that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, I hope the boy lands on his feet. He’s young and strong, he’ll figure somethin’ out. Maybe he’ll even come back to wrestlin’, bigger and better than before. Or maybe he’ll find somethin’ he likes even more. Who knows? Only time will tell.
WWE release or not, life goes on, that’s what I always say. Just like plantin’ season follows harvest, and the sun comes up even after the darkest night. He’ll be alright, that Von Wagner fella. He seems like a tough one.
Tags: [Von Wagner, WWE, Calvin Bloom, Wrestling, Professional Wrestler, WWE Release, Beau Beverly, Wayne Bloom, Budget Cuts]
